Sun-Soaked Shenanigans: Hilarious Things to do in Puerto Escondido Without Getting Arrested

Sunburns and Satisfaction: Essential Things to do in Puerto Escondido

The list of things to do in Puerto Escondido reads like a choose-your-own-adventure book where every ending involves sand in uncomfortable places. From surfing waves that could qualify as natural disasters to releasing baby turtles with the delicacy of handling nitroglycerin, this coastal town delivers experiences that range from mildly challenging to “this might make a good story at my funeral.”

Beach Hopping: A Personality Test Via Sand Selection

Puerto Escondido’s beaches function as a personality assessment more accurate than any BuzzFeed quiz. Zicatela, the superstar of the bunch, stretches for nearly two miles with waves that would make Neptune himself reach for a life vest. During big swells, these watery mountains regularly reach 6-10 feet, occasionally swelling to 20+ feet – roughly the height of a two-story house with an attic conversion and unreasonable property taxes.

For those whose idea of water sports doesn’t include potential orthopedic surgery, Playa Carrizalillo offers picture-perfect swimming in a sheltered cove. The catch? Accessing this slice of paradise requires descending exactly 167 steps – a number that feels suspiciously like 3,000 when climbing back up with a belly full of ceviche and Pacificos. Visit before 10AM to avoid both crowds and the midday sun that transforms the staircase into Mexico’s least enjoyable StairMaster.

Families gravitate toward Playa Manzanillo with its gentle waters that won’t send toddlers to Davy Jones’ locker, while those seeking solitude head to Playa Bacocho, an expansive stretch where finding personal space doesn’t require tactful negotiation with German tourists in microscopic swimwear. Sunset at Zicatela, however, remains the non-negotiable daily ritual when the sky performs a color display that makes even the most jaded traveler momentarily look up from their phone.

Surf’s Up (But So Is The Ambulance Bill)

Surfing in Puerto Escondido operates on a scale from “gentle introduction” to “potential Darwin Award nomination.” Beginners should stick to La Punta or Carrizalillo, where waves behave with some semblance of predictability and surf schools offer lessons for $20-40, with board rentals running $10-15. These instructors possess the patience of preschool teachers on the last day before summer break as they watch tourists repeatedly fail at the seemingly simple act of standing on floating fiberglass.

Advanced surfers, meanwhile, make the pilgrimage to Zicatela’s fearsome break, where “getting absolutely demolished by a wave” is considered a vacation highlight rather than grounds for a strongly worded TripAdvisor review. The notorious undertow has earned this beach the respect of international surf legends and the fear of local insurance adjusters. For optimal conditions, visit during prime surf seasons (May-July and November-February), when consistent swells create the perfect balance of thrill and terror.

Wildlife Encounters Without Triggering Your Insurance

For those whose marine interests extend beyond riding waves, Puerto Escondido delivers wildlife encounters that won’t require calling your emergency contact. Baby turtle releases at Playa Bacocho offer the heartwarming experience of helping tiny reptiles begin their oceanic journey for a modest $5-10 donation. These releases happen primarily August through January, providing the rare opportunity to feel simultaneously like a conservation hero and incompetent parent as you watch nature’s most helpless creatures battle their way to the water’s edge.

Dolphin and whale watching tours ($40-60) boast success rates higher than most dating apps, particularly during December-March when humpback whales migrate through these waters. Meanwhile, nighttime excursions to Laguna de Manialtepec reveal water that glows electric blue with bioluminescent plankton – essentially nature’s version of light-up sneakers. These tours ($30-45) run from 8PM-11PM and are best experienced during new moon phases when the darkness makes the biological light show more spectacular. The lagoon’s glowing waters create the perfect backdrop for vacation photos that will make social media followers simultaneously jealous and suspicious of Photoshop manipulation.

Market Madness and Food Adventures

Mercado Benito Juárez operates daily from 6AM-2PM (busiest on Wednesdays and Saturdays) as Puerto Escondido’s gastronomic nerve center. Here, visitors navigate a sensory assault course of produce stands, meat counters, and food vendors with the reward being authentic Mexican cuisine at prices that make American visitors check their conversion math twice. The market functions as a crash course in Spanish where pointing and smiling become acceptable substitutes for actual language proficiency.

Culinary adventures range from street tacos ($1-2 each) that deliver more flavor than should be legally possible at that price point, to seafood palapa restaurants ($10-20 per meal) where the catch of the day was literally caught that day. Higher-end establishments ($30-40 per person) offer creative takes on Oaxacan specialties without veering into pretentious territory. Must-try local dishes include tlayudas (often called “Mexican pizza” by guides desperate for relatable comparisons) and pescado a la talla (grilled fish that ruins all other fish preparations forever).

No food exploration would be complete without sampling mezcal, tequila’s smoky cousin who went to art school and returned with strong opinions about industrial agriculture. Local coffee culture also thrives at establishments like Café Grana and El Cafecito, where $2-4 buys artisanal brews that make Starbucks taste like it was filtered through an old gym sock. The combination of caffeine and ocean air creates a natural high that no pharmaceutical company has yet managed to synthesize and market to overstressed executives.

Where to Rest Your Sunburned Body

Accommodations in Puerto Escondido span the budgetary spectrum with refreshing honesty. Budget travelers find hostels like Selina or Tower Bridge ($15-30/night) where the social atmosphere compensates for shared bathrooms and the occasional nighttime serenade of snoring strangers. Mid-range options like Hotel Santa Fe or Suites Casaejido ($60-100/night) offer private rooms with enough amenities to maintain human dignity while still leaving budget for tacos and surf lessons.

Those with more financial flexibility can splurge on luxury villas at places like Villas Carrizalillo ($150-300+/night), where infinity pools create the illusion that your disposable income extends as far as the horizon. The savviest travelers book accommodations on the hill between Carrizalillo and Zicatela, scoring panoramic ocean views without requiring Olympic-level stamina to reach town. During summer months when temperatures regularly exceed 90°F, air conditioning transitions from luxury to survival necessity, worth every peso when alternatives involve lying motionless in front of a fan while contemplating the poor life choices that led to visiting southern Mexico in August.

The short-term rental market has also exploded in Puerto Escondido, with options ranging from modest apartments ($40-80/night) to architectural magazine-worthy homes ($150-200+/night) available through various platforms. These rentals offer the distinct advantage of kitchen access, allowing visitors to attempt recreating local dishes with ingredients purchased at the market – an experiment that typically results in new appreciation for restaurant professionals.

Nightlife Without Regrets (Mostly)

Puerto Escondido’s nightlife operates on a schedule that seems specifically designed to conflict with any plans for early morning activities. The action doesn’t start until 11PM, when most reasonable adults would be entering their third sleep cycle. This timing creates the perfect conditions for making promises about dawn surf sessions that will be broken with spectacular consistency.

Zicatela Beach hosts most beach clubs, including Kabbalah with its $5-10 cover charge and drinks priced between $4-8. The Rinconada area offers slightly more upscale options, while Congo Bar (no cover, drinks $3-7) attracts a mix of locals and visitors with live music and a dance floor that reaches critical density around midnight. The busiest nights run Thursday through Saturday, though “busy” in Puerto Escondido still allows for actual conversation without communicating solely through interpretive dance moves, as required in more crowded destinations.

Day Trips That Won’t Break Your Spirit

When Puerto Escondido’s charms somehow prove insufficient, several worthwhile day trips await the adventurous. Neighboring beaches Mazunte and Zipolite lie just an hour away by taxi ($25-30 each way) or colectivo ($3-5 each way). Zipolite’s clothing-optional policy creates situations where averting eyes becomes an Olympic sport for the unprepared American visitor, while Mazunte’s hippie vibe makes Berkeley, California seem corporate by comparison.

The hot springs at Atotonilco offer natural relaxation for a modest $2-5 entrance fee, while Puerto Angelito provides snorkeling opportunities with equipment rentals at $10-15. Visibility remains best October through May, when seasonal rains aren’t turning the water into an oceanic version of a latte. Coffee aficionados can tour plantations in the Sierra Madre mountains ($40-60 for guided experiences), accessing these highlands via roads that qualify as “nature’s roller coaster, but with fruit trucks instead of safety harnesses.” The white-knuckle journey typically convinces visitors that their regular morning coffee habit isn’t merely preference but medical necessity.